I can say it with a girly tone if you want ([info]swear_jar) wrote,
@ 2008-12-02 16:03:00
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Current mood: dorky

being an examination of the literary achievements of an emo band (fob, pete/patrick)
Title: Being An Examination Of The Literary Achievements Of An Emo Band.
Authors: [info]apiphile & [info]swear_jar.
Rating: PG.
Fandom: Bandom.
Pairing(s)/character(s): Pete/Patrick-y bits.
Notes: Exactly. (Also, in this vein, we have also written The Used text-fic, linked here for your convenience)!
Summary: FOB only have themselves to blame for this.



Fuck you and give back my laptop. This isn't even funny. It will never be funny. It doesn't matter how much you laugh about it outside my room. It is not funny. Jerks.

- Patrick.




Whoever put the egg in my bed can seriously die.

- Andy.




PETE'S FLAT IRON IS NOT A TOY UNLESS PETE IS USING IT AS ONE. DO NOT MAKE PETE LEAVE THIRD PERSON NOTES ON THE FRIDGE DOOR. IT MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON. PETE DEMANDS THAT HE IS BROUGHT BOUGHT A NEW FLAT IRON OR HE WILL DO SOMETHING TERRIBLE AS SOON AS HE CAN REMEMBER WHICH WAY YOUR ROOMS ARE. I KNOW WHO IT WAS.

- PETEPETEPETE. WHOSE FLAT IRON YOU PUT IN THE TOILET.




Not everything that happens in this band happens on purpose you fuckhead. Also those trainers were new. NEW.

- Patrick.




i didn't say Dirty could borrow my t-shirt. Whoever did is in for a world of hurt.

- PETE
PS: Hurt and t-shirt rhyme.




MORE MILK.

- Joe.




MORE DEODORENT JOE

- Joe.




MORE POST-ITS

- Joe.




LESS WEED.

- Patrick.




MORE WEED.

- Joe.




LESS FUCKING NOTES.

- PETE.




Seriously I mean it about the eggs. Stop that.

- Andy.




Wow, thanks so much for leaving my shoes outside. Now they are full of dog piss. I really hope you get flu and die, you prick.

- Patrick.




Wow thanks so much for WISHING DEATH ON ME just because I made a simple mistake, asshole.

- Joe.




"ASSHOLE" = def. someone who leaves my shoes outside in a storm.

- Patrick.




GET A SENSE OF PROPORSHUN.

- Joe.




GET A DICTIONARY.

- Patrick.




Would both of you get a fucking telephone and stop turning the fridge door into a fucking war zone?

- Andy.




>:( STOP FIGHTING.

- pete. PS: I have mono stay away from my toothbrush.




Pete. Patrick. Guys. I know you are like lifemates or some shit but you need to keep it down sometimes because you know people need to fucking sleep occasionally even if you don't and seriously, it sounds like porn in there. Stop it.

- Joe.




ADD TO HOUSE RULES:

1. No wet willies.
2. No REVERSE wet willies.
3. Pete, I know EXACTLY what you're thinking and if it gets anywhere near my ear I will destroy you and everything you hold dear, starting with your hoodies.

- Patrick.

P.S. You owe me at least ten boxes of q-tips.




I'd like to hold you, dear Patrick.

- xo




Please no flirting on the fridge, you're putting me off food.

- Joe.




Like anything can stop your never ending munchies, you fucking locust.

- Patrick.




YEAH JOE, STOP EATING MY FUCKING CEREAL.

- Peter.




Fuck you, I wouldn't eat that crap. My munchies are of sophisticated tastes and wants, unlike PATRICK'S (YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?). Like right now I want banana pudding. UR MOM

- Joe.




STOP GETTING PATRICK STONED THEN.

- Peterpan.




STOP BLAMING ME FOR EVERYTHING THEN.

- Joe.




I love you ♥ Peter Pan you are beautiful and I am so glad we're in a band together you are the dude of my heart. ♥ You make me see music. ♥ I love Fall Out Boy. ♥ I love pancakes. I love music. I love GarageBand. ♥ I love Pete's cereal. I love everything.

- Patrick ♥ ♥ ♥




NEVER EVER STOP GETTING PATRICK STONED PLEASE.

- xo ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥




Pete stop RAPING Patrick's FACE with your TONGUE in PUBLIC.

- Joe.




IT'S NOT RAPE IT'S TRUE LOVE.

- Pete.




DUDES. STOP RAPING MY MIND WITH THOSE MENTAL IMAGES.

- Andy.




LESS RAPE.

- Patrick.




MORE TONGUE.

- Pete.




MORE TONGUE.

- Patrick ♥ ♥ ♥
PS MAN I HAD TO WRITE THIS SO MANY TIMES I EVEN HAD MY GLASSES BUT I COULDN’T SEE ANYTHING IT WAS SO HARD WHAT THE FUCK JOE HOW DO YOU DO IT I LOVE YOU ♥ ♥ XXXXXXX




MORE WEED.

- peter peter patrick eater XD




who was supposed to be paying the heating bill? because i don't know if any of you guys noticed but we got cut off this morning. you know how i know? because it is FUCKING COLD and i think my dick fell off in the shower.

- peterpan with icicles on.




Well that explains the girly screaming.

- Joe.




Pete not that I mean to be judgmental but YOU WERE MEANT TO PAY THE HEATING BILL.

- Patrick.




STFU STONER.

- petepetepete




WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THAT.

- Patrick.




the first step is admitting you have a problem, 'ricky.

- Peteypete's frozen toes. xxx




I ADMIT I HAVE A PROBLEM IT IS CALLED PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ AND IT DIDN'T PAY THE HEATING BILL.

- Patrick.




Hi guys I paid the heating. Shut up fighting on the fridge now. You're giving me sadness when I go for cookie doh. cookie doh is not ment to make sadness.

- Joe.




God forbid I should interfere with your munchies.

- Patrick.




LESS FIGHTING U GUYS.

- Joe.




LESS HATE MOAR LUV

- Pete.
PS: AND BY LOVE I MEAN BLOWJOBS.




Mental images. This is the last time I do your grocery shopping for you.
Assholes.

- Andy.




WHAT?????????????

- Joe.




YES:
I HAVE YOUR FRIDGE.
YOU CAN HAVE IT BACK WHEN YOU ASSHOLES LEARN TO GET ALONG.
- Andy.


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(96 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]foxinmyhands
2008-12-02 05:19 am UTC (link)
...DEAR GOD THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW HAPPY THIS MADE ME. WHAT.

I AM SO FOND OF BOYS BEING BOYS.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-02 09:36 am UTC (link)
WHOOOOOOOO! Glad you liked.

I AM SO FOND OF BOYS BEING BOYS.

It's the best thing ever, it's true.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]greenet
2008-12-02 05:20 am UTC (link)
*dies laughing*

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-02 09:37 am UTC (link)
THOSE SHOCKY THINGS WHAT REVIVE PEOPLE. STAT.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]rhombal
2008-12-02 05:27 am UTC (link)
This was hilarious and exactly what I needed at the moment.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-02 09:37 am UTC (link)
Awesome, glad you enjoyed :D.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info](laughing my idiot ass off) [insanejournal.com]
2008-12-02 05:34 am UTC (link)
XDDD Awesome!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-02 09:38 am UTC (link)
:DDDDDDD!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]chaneen
2008-12-02 05:40 am UTC (link)
Eee that was too adorable! ♥

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-02 09:39 am UTC (link)
Thaaaaank you :D.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]naotalba
2008-12-02 05:58 am UTC (link)
Tears are coming out of my eyes, I'm laughing so hard. This is awesome.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-02 09:51 am UTC (link)
Ahahaha, I'm very happy we made you cry?

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]rorylareina
2008-12-02 06:31 am UTC (link)
Oh, I love this. Andy, the voice of reason.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-02 09:51 am UTC (link)
The voice of reason and the magical ninja of fridge stealing, that's him.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Do not make Claire leave third person comments in your livejournal.
[info]visionofblue
2008-12-02 07:20 am UTC (link)
I AM BEAMING LIKE A CRAZY PERSON NOW. Ever since I saw those notes, I have greatly needed there to be fic in the world. Those notes were made for it. AND THIS WAS EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE WANTED FROM NOTE!FIC AND MORE. Excellent. Srsly. You guys did it just right and made the note thing even better.

It will never be funny. It doesn't matter how much you laugh about it outside my room. It is not funny.

I don't know why the "It doesn't matter how much you laugh about it outside my room." made me laugh extra hard, but it did. Perfect.

PETE'S FLATIRON NOTE. CLAIRE WILL TREASURE IT ALWAYS. LIKE A CRAZY PERSON. Erm. Or: so very amusing.

PS: Hurt and t-shirt rhyme.

HEEEEEEEEEEEE. Peeeeeete. ::dies::

I know you are like lifemates or some shit but you need to keep it down sometimes because you know people need to fucking sleep occasionally even if you don't and seriously, it sounds like porn in there. Stop it.

I will be imagining the noises that could cause that note ALL NIGHT. THANK-YOU.

And I should stop quoting things. Because I would quote everything, and only have HAAAAAAAAA! ILUBOTH to say. This? Is awesome hilarious shit. Boooooys.

Patrick loves everything! Get him stoned all the time! Wheeee! Really. So much perfect hilarity. LESS RAPE. MORE TONGUE.

You're giving me sadness when I go for cookie doh. cookie doh is not ment to make sadness.

♥ ♥ ♥

(Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

Re: Do not make Claire leave third person comments in your livejournal.
[info]swear_jar
2008-12-02 09:44 am UTC (link)
EVERY LINE YOU QUOTED WAS [info]apiphile'S (except LESS RAPE, MORE TONGUE). Ahahaha! This is because she is the FUNNIEST. Possibly the funniest EVER.

I think Pete's straightener note was probably my favourite bit toooo, or the cookie doh bits.

I am glad you liked and thank you for the ♥s.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

Re: Do not make Claire leave third person comments in your livejournal. - [info]apiphile, 2008-12-02 07:09 pm UTC (Expand)
You are both equally funny. SO THERE. - [info]visionofblue, 2008-12-02 08:32 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: You are both equally funny. SO THERE. - [info]apiphile, 2008-12-02 08:34 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: Do not make Claire leave third person comments in your livejournal. - [info]apiphile, 2008-12-02 07:23 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: Do not make Claire leave third person comments in your livejournal. - [info]visionofblue, 2008-12-02 08:33 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: Do not make Claire leave third person comments in your livejournal. - [info]apiphile, 2008-12-02 08:36 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: Do not make Claire leave third person comments in your livejournal. - [info]visionofblue, 2008-12-04 04:21 am UTC (Expand)

[info]joanses
2008-12-02 07:25 am UTC (link)
I had to stop reading about half way through BECAUSE I WAS ABOUT TO DIE FROM LAUGHTER. This was so awesome! cookie doh is not ment to make sadness. Awww!




Also, I am clueless when it comes to those notes. WHEN WHAT WHERE and why did I apparently miss them? xD

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-02 09:50 am UTC (link)
I'm glad you didn't die. THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENT!

It's true, cookie dough is meant for yumness.

The notes linked in the header were originally posted by Pete on one of his many blogs. I forget where, or I'd link you :\. Thank god for Pete's need to share EVERYTHING with teh interwebs.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]sinsense
2008-12-02 09:27 am UTC (link)
THIS IS AMAZING.
- JESS.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-02 09:45 am UTC (link)
JOE'S FACE IN YOUR ICON IS AMAZING.

Thaaaaaank you :DDDDDD.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]girlneedsagun
2008-12-02 09:56 am UTC (link)
=D heheheh

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-02 10:09 am UTC (link)
:DDDDDDDDD

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]blindmouse
2008-12-02 10:17 am UTC (link)
This is hilarious :D

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 08:41 am UTC (link)
Woo! We do try.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]tsuki_no_bara
2008-12-02 03:03 pm UTC (link)
i read this at work because CLEARLY i have not learned my lesson. i am indeed biting my lip to keep from laughing because this is PRICELESS and fob fridge-fighting makes me happy. even joe's idiosyncratic spelling. and stoned!patrick. and possibly "You owe me at least ten boxes of q-tips" will still be making me laugh when i'm driving home later.

...peter lewis kingston wentz. BWA!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 08:43 am UTC (link)
"You owe me at least ten boxes of q-tips" will still be making me laugh when i'm driving home later.

Just please don't crash and die, because then the awesomeness of your possibly future commetage on things would die with you and that'd be totally tragic.

...peter lewis kingston wentz. BWA!

... Technically, he's also a The Third. Ahhaha, oh Pete.

WOOO GLAD YOU LIKED!

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

(no subject) - [info]tsuki_no_bara, 2008-12-03 04:59 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]myselftheliar
2008-12-02 04:29 pm UTC (link)

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 08:43 am UTC (link)
YAAAAAAAAAY!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]fitofpique
2008-12-02 05:21 pm UTC (link)
HEE. This is the GRATEST thing ever! ♥ stoned Patrick!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 08:44 am UTC (link)
EXCELLENT. WE AAAAAAAAARE THE GREATEST! \o/!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]katienyc
2008-12-02 06:33 pm UTC (link)
ahahahaha, stoned!Patrick is my FAVORITE.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 08:44 am UTC (link)
Stoned Patrick would be adorable and evil and I must say, I'm still amusing thinking about it myself. Woo! Thanks for the comment!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]yan_tan_tether
2008-12-02 08:40 pm UTC (link)
This is hilarious!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 08:45 am UTC (link)
Why thank you.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]musictoyourlips
2008-12-02 10:40 pm UTC (link)
AHAHAHAAAA I THINK THE STONED!PATRICK NOTE IS MY FAVORITE. Especially how Pete is the dude of his heart because so true!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 08:45 am UTC (link)
Your icon is SO CUTE. I love it!

Thaaaaaank you for the comment. &StonedPatrick;.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]xolunchbox
2008-12-03 02:32 am UTC (link)
These are so great. I demand a sequel XD

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 08:46 am UTC (link)
Glad you liked :D!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]colouredmango
2008-12-03 04:33 am UTC (link)
I'm not gonna lie, dude. That was freaking hilarious.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 08:46 am UTC (link)
\o/!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]unrequited_rain
2008-12-03 04:41 am UTC (link)
this I think might just be the most awesome thing in the history of awesome things :D STONED!PATRICK WILL NEVER BE NOT AWESOME ♥ LESS RAPE! MORE TONGUE! &THEM; STONED!PATRICK IS ALL FOR TONGUE RAPE! STONED!PATRICK LISTENS TO PINK FLOYD AND THINKS IT'S AWESOME!

and then ANDY ♥♥♥

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 08:48 am UTC (link)
I think there is a general agreement that stoned!Patrick is adorable. I'm still amusing myself thinking about it!

Also, Andy = ninja, obviously.

Thank you for the comment! :D :D

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]elessar
2008-12-03 04:49 am UTC (link)
Holy crap I was laughing hysterically! OMG STONED!PATRICK. THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH ♥S IN THE WORLD.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 08:50 am UTC (link)
Woo! Glad you liked :DDDDDDD!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]megyal
2008-12-03 05:08 am UTC (link)

MORE WEED.

- Joe.


I pretty much laughed all the way through this. THanks, guys.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 09:34 am UTC (link)
You're so very welcome. Thanks for the commentage :D!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]cunningplan
2008-12-03 05:38 am UTC (link)
That was so awesome!!

I think I'm going to go re-read it now :D

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 09:34 am UTC (link)
WOO! Thank you.

ENJOY AGAIN!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]and_the_damned
2008-12-03 08:02 am UTC (link)
this was fantastic

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]swear_jar
2008-12-03 09:34 am UTC (link)
Thank you! :D!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


(96 comments) - (Post a new comment)

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